There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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