Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
