Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
