Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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