You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Small penises have feelings too.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
