I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
