I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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