the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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