Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
