Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
