We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
