Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
