We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
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I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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