I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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