my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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