I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
