I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
