party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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