Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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