I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
