I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
