If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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