Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
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They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I would ride that face into the sunset
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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