wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
