i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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