I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
