my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just cropdusted the office
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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