My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
