just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
