"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
