I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
