Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
