I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
