I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
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I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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