mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
