I have demons in me.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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