shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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