my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
