I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i dont even know how to be here
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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