I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
operation have a gay friend backfired
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
