Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
