i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
