Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
