yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
