I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
