You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
