So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
