its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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