Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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