He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
