Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
