The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
