That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Small penises have feelings too.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
