Just fell off a train. Bad.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
