Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
we're so committed to being not committed
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
