Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
