perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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