I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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