hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize