she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
