I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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