this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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