i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
