Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
