u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
