I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
