I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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