are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
