yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
