So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
