She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
