I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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